


because falling's not the problem

by monanotlisa



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Community: mcshep_match, Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-20
Updated: 2010-08-20
Packaged: 2017-10-13 23:56:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/143085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monanotlisa/pseuds/monanotlisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This isnt the story. This is what happens <i>afterwards</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	because falling's not the problem

  
Rodney did a decent job of mimicking a horde of elephants entering Johns quarters.

"Oh no you don't, John!" He stomped to a halt, glaring down at John with his hands on his hips.

John looked up from the bed, put the book down -- incidentally the same he'd been reading for these last few years, but it wasnt as if anyone cared, or believed John Sheppard really was an avid reader of anything but comics and golf magazines -- and smiled. "I don't?"

"No way do you get to play with that thing after making sure I never got to use mine before it ran out of batteries!" Rodney pointed to the corner where the sexbot sat in Johns desk chair, legs primly crossed, as though waiting for dictation. Rodney stopped, face twisting in a sudden spasm of honesty. "Well, okay, I did have it build that processor, among other things, but the point is, I never got to use it for its original purpose."

John raised an eyebrow, and himself up into a sitting position. "My sexbot's dead too."

"What?"

"It's an ex-bot, Rodney."

"But did you --" Rodney stopped, frowned, tried again: "I mean, before it died?"

"Why?" John smirked his smirk meant to hide, not show, swinging his legs off the bed. "Are you jealous?"

The fish imitation on Rodneys part that followed was not a particularly good one. Although the tufts of hair sticking out from the sides of his head might have doubled for fins. If you were hallucinating. "You know what? Yes! Actually, yes, I am. Robots fell from the sky, Sheppard, and I subsequently spent the last three days fending off a walking -- if not talking -- sex toy! A gorgeous animatronic walking dildo that looked like a male model and begged mutely to blow me, and I know that sounds like one of those incredibly lame porn flicks where one of the actors slathers some silver powder on and affixes two bouncing wires to his ears, but nevertheless it made it impossible for me not to remember certain happy sexy fun times in my past. Way, way in the past." Rodney glared at John some more. "The unbelievably distant past."

John looked up at Rodney. "The fake robots in the gay porn you watched had wires stuck to their ears?"

Rodney looked down at John. "I cant believe that's the part of my story you're choosing to focus on."

"Me neither." Johns face twisted into one of his complicated, indecipherable expressions that frequently seemed unrelated to actual events occurring around him. Possibly he was receiving emotional input from an alternate universe (possibly the one where he talked about his feelings). Or he just needed some Ex-Lax. "But it seemed safer than those happy fun times of yours of yore."

"Sexy ones." Rodney crossed his arms. "Don't forget the sex. I didn't, turns out."

"You know, maybe you should sit down." John bit his lip and jerked his head sideways towards his bed.

Rodney nodded mutely, for once, and did just that. The sexbot stared at them blankly from the corner. Rodney scooted a little closer.

John studied his knees. "So. What's, you know, the point? Of a sexbot."

"Duh," Rodney said, after he too had inquiringly stared at Johns knees for a moment, obviously not coming to any conclusion about them, "They have unbelievable stamina and, with a few key commands, they do anything I want!"

"You don't need a bot for that."

"What, are you -- oh. Oh." His mouth softened, slanted, lifted.

"Yeah." Judging by his expression, John could've just as well been flying a nuke into a hiveship.

Rodney looked sideways at John. "So, you wanna --"

"Fuck, yeah." John did turn, still not quite meeting Rodney's eyes. The muscles in his shoulders were visible through the thin black t-shirt, bunched up and tight. He leaned in, towards Rodney, looking up only at the last moment. "Can we not talk?"

Rodney reached out, carefully took hold of Johns upper arm just below where the fabric ended. His right thumb stroked slowly across tan skin and dark hair. "Not a chance." His forehead touched Johns not tentatively but respectfully, surprisingly Athosian that way.

"That's what I thought." John smiled, this time a real smile. He ran his nose along Rodney's. "Rodney."

"I'm here." Rodney closed the final distance between them, brushed his lips across Johns, drawing John closer by the nape of his neck. "And don't you mistake me for a robot."

"Don't worry, I wouldn't," John whispered, awkwardly curling his hands around first one, then the other of Rodney's shoulders as though feeling for non-existent circuitry, "I couldn't." His mouth opened under Rodney's, and when he fell back, Rodney was there, still right there.

Afterwards, they lay on Johns bed, panting, covered in bodily fluids.

He shifted onto his side to face John, there really not being enough room on Johns bed for them to lie side by side on their backs. Sexual antics, human proximity: without such simple everyday access to them, it was hardly a wonder the Ancient had been such freaks.

"So, you decided not to use the sexbot you'd found at the eleventh hour," Rodney said into Johns right ear, the pointy one. Not that the other one wasn't almost as pointy.

"Well, we did get the cheap knock-offs, so it quit before I nerved myself up to actually try it," John mumbled, staring at the ceiling. "It seemed too weird, anyway. He waved a hand at the bot in the corner, now covered with the fuzzy Ancient blanket they'd thrown over at some point between the first and the second round. They both looked at the shape, then hurriedly away. Besides, really, I just wanted you."

Rodney tried shaking his head but, considering the difficulty of that lying down on his side, gave up. "Why didn't you say something?"

"Um."

"You were scared." There was no malice in Rodney's voice.

"You could've laughed. Or cried, laughing." Johns tongue darted out to lick dry lips.

"That's -- fine; that's entirely true based on at least some of the evidence, but you never seem afraid of failure in other situations. Like when you go off to crash-land alien ships on like soil."

"That's different. This is you. And me. Us." John muttered, his face screwing up into one of those dorky yet adorable expressions that Rodney realized went with him trying to say something and not getting the words out. He looked like hed rather be talking to the sexbot.

"Wow, did you just imply a relationship of affection between us without hyperventilating?"

"Shut up and stop fidgeting and finally put your arm around me before we both fall off this damn cot, Rodney."

And Rodney did, and they lived happily ever after. Unlike the sexbots that, after all the batteries ran out on Day Three, were locked away in sub-basement D-56 by Elizabeth, who proceeded to throw the code into the ocean.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for McShep Match 2010, Team Play to the prompt of "Crash & Burn".

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [you are so magnetic, you pick up all the pins](https://archiveofourown.org/works/143091) by [monanotlisa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/monanotlisa/pseuds/monanotlisa)




End file.
